These are some of my favorite quotes, which I've collected on the subjects of passion, strength, hope, desire and love:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
— Anaïs Nin
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."
— Pablo Neruda
“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don't know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness. In reality those who satisfy me are those who simply allow me to live with my ''idea of them.”
― Anaïs Nin
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
― Albert Einstein
"I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ"
— Anaïs Nin
"I desire the things that will destroy me in the end."
— Sylvia Plath
“The thing about a hero, is even when it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, he's going to keep digging, he's going to keep trying to do right and make up for what's gone before, just because that's who he is.”
― Joss Whedon
"I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything? What then?"
— Neil Gaiman
"I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."
— Pablo Neruda
"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."
— Federico García Lorca
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”
― Ernest Hemingway
"Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength."
— Napoleon Bonaparte
"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
— Pablo Neruda
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Taking a break
As you may have noticed, I've been a bit far removed from blogging here lately. It's for all good reasons, I assure you. I've been busy with work and visits to see family. The remaining time is spent with the most wonderful distraction imaginable.
We'll be leaving New Orleans this fall. It's time. I love New Orleans enough that it's brought me back three times and it was the place for me after the divorce as well as while I healed physically. It's time for something else now though, because it's not the right place for us at this particular moment.
We went shopping the other day and stocked up with the intention of keeping our refirgerator full until we leave. We made dinner together and it was nice to be back home after we'd been apart for over a week (while I was in Detroit and she was back in Texas). We went out for a little while in the evening to celebrate a friends birthday and headed home early enough to watch a movie before we slept.
This mixture of pedestrian and prolific is one that I've been trying to get right all my life. Now that I have, I have a deep instinct to keep it all in fine, working condition. That means less time for some other distractions, but none of them were as wonderful, as satisfying, as enriching as what I've traded it for.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
It's been a while since I've posted anything new, but mostly because life has been exceptionally good and I've been out living it. When I am home, I'm spending less time in front of this screen, the consequence of which is this blog falling out of date.
I've been seeing someone, as you might have noticed from my most recent pictures and it's going amazingly well. I really do feel ridiculously lucky to have her.
Now that I'm not tethered to a place because of a doctor, I've been considering a move again. I put my plans on hold last year for that reason and it was definitely the best move, but I can't tell that it's time for me to go.
The fortunate part of this is that I have a girlfriend with both a sense of adventure and opportunities with her career to see other places. We've decided when; now we just have to decide where...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tomorrow
Tonight ends the last day of 30 days of treatment with fluorouracil and I'm pretty happy about it. It's been a long month, though admittedly not as long as it might have been in different circumstances. The physical and mental fatigue due to treatment haven't been as bad this time around and I contribute that greatly to the fact that I'm in a better place in my life this time.
Last night we stayed in and watched episodes of Californication, laughed and ate comfort food. We joked about who we are, where we are from and where we are headed. it was one of the best nights that I've had in a very long time and I needed it. I've had some rough patches recently, some moments which piled on top of one another might have broken me down, but haven't. They haven't because they are circumstance and my happiness is much larger, much more durable than that.
We went out for a little while tonight and I felt the taxation on my body, but it was still good to be out amongst friends. A friend hugged me and said I felt crackly, and it was the first time all night long I'd even thought about my physical health. We stayed for just long enough and walked home in the cold, arm in arm, discussing the absurdity of calling people from Michigan "michiganders" and here at home now, we sit by the fire, snacking and getting ready to watch a movie.
I'm happy about today and I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Last night we stayed in and watched episodes of Californication, laughed and ate comfort food. We joked about who we are, where we are from and where we are headed. it was one of the best nights that I've had in a very long time and I needed it. I've had some rough patches recently, some moments which piled on top of one another might have broken me down, but haven't. They haven't because they are circumstance and my happiness is much larger, much more durable than that.
We went out for a little while tonight and I felt the taxation on my body, but it was still good to be out amongst friends. A friend hugged me and said I felt crackly, and it was the first time all night long I'd even thought about my physical health. We stayed for just long enough and walked home in the cold, arm in arm, discussing the absurdity of calling people from Michigan "michiganders" and here at home now, we sit by the fire, snacking and getting ready to watch a movie.
I'm happy about today and I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
One hell of a week
This week has been pretty hellacious, beginning with the fact that I'm doing another round of treatment for the med issues that I had last year, followed by the news that my great-grandmother passed away and then the sudden death of my puppy. It's time for me to catch a break.
My great grandmother lived a long, full life and I'm happy for her that she passed peacefully in her sleep. I wish I could have made it home for the funeral, but the last minute expenses made it impossible.
I knew that I'd have to do another round of treatment and thankfully none of the bad cells have progressed, they just haven't all gone away. It's a longer round this time, with less frequency, so it should make it a little easier on me than the last time, but for longer. We'll see what sort of tradeoff that is.
The passing of my puppy Taureau has been pretty hard to take. He choked on something while I took him out for a walk late at night and it caused his tongue to swell and his throat to close. I was holding his windpipe open and breathing into his nose, trying to find the obstruction, when he died in my arms. If it hadn't been for Robyn trying to help me find someplace to take him and Kelly L. talking to me on speaker while I worked on him, I don't know what I would have done.
Kelly is the owner of Zoie, who was Taureau's mom. I've spent many days with Zoie in my lap at Boondock and I've always loved her. When she got pregnant, Kelly told me he wanted me to have one of the pups. He didn't ask for anything from me in return, except that I handle the vet bills and shots. I felt like I let him down, which added to the loss.
Last night Robyn and I met Kelly at Boondock and he brought Zoie and Torin (one of her other puppies) with him. Torin crawled into my lap and Kelly told me that if I wanted him, he wanted me to have him. I sobbed openly and Zoie licked the tears from my face, with a low, mournful groan. I told him that I couldn't possibly, that it didn't seem right for me to take Torin, but that the kindness of the offer was appreciated. He told me to think about it, not to take it off the table just yet and that if I found a moment where I was ready for it, the offer stands.
I'm ready for this week to be over. I'm ready for the month to be over.
My great grandmother lived a long, full life and I'm happy for her that she passed peacefully in her sleep. I wish I could have made it home for the funeral, but the last minute expenses made it impossible.
I knew that I'd have to do another round of treatment and thankfully none of the bad cells have progressed, they just haven't all gone away. It's a longer round this time, with less frequency, so it should make it a little easier on me than the last time, but for longer. We'll see what sort of tradeoff that is.
The passing of my puppy Taureau has been pretty hard to take. He choked on something while I took him out for a walk late at night and it caused his tongue to swell and his throat to close. I was holding his windpipe open and breathing into his nose, trying to find the obstruction, when he died in my arms. If it hadn't been for Robyn trying to help me find someplace to take him and Kelly L. talking to me on speaker while I worked on him, I don't know what I would have done.
Kelly is the owner of Zoie, who was Taureau's mom. I've spent many days with Zoie in my lap at Boondock and I've always loved her. When she got pregnant, Kelly told me he wanted me to have one of the pups. He didn't ask for anything from me in return, except that I handle the vet bills and shots. I felt like I let him down, which added to the loss.
Last night Robyn and I met Kelly at Boondock and he brought Zoie and Torin (one of her other puppies) with him. Torin crawled into my lap and Kelly told me that if I wanted him, he wanted me to have him. I sobbed openly and Zoie licked the tears from my face, with a low, mournful groan. I told him that I couldn't possibly, that it didn't seem right for me to take Torin, but that the kindness of the offer was appreciated. He told me to think about it, not to take it off the table just yet and that if I found a moment where I was ready for it, the offer stands.
I'm ready for this week to be over. I'm ready for the month to be over.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
It's time
We'd gotten to know each other over the course of two nights back in August and this is what I wrote the morning she returned to New York:
"Robyn sat across from me, moving and speaking with such purpose, such exuberance. Her skin was fair, her eyes were dark, her lips painted red to match the red bow in her dark hair. She looked like a wicked snow white and I was taken with her beauty from the first moment that I saw her. I’m certain that she knew it, because it was hard for me to take my eyes off of her.
She’s a ballerina and she’s grown up a performer, so there’s a vibrance about her that I adore, an easiness with people which I appreciate. She described to me a photo shoot she’d done recently, just for the hell of it, and I knew that she was going to be hard to get out of my head even after she’d gone back to New York.
Evangeline (who’d introduced us) sat nearby, smiling knowingly as she watched us inch closer to one another. She gave us moments alone and played the perfect(ly devious) chaperone. It’d been her intention to bring this lovely creature to New Orleans to make her fall in love with the city. I was more than happy to help her in her cause.
When the night was over we stood in the front of their hotel. Evangeline left us alone when she went to get room keys. I hugged Robyn, thanked her for company while she thanked me for my hospitality. We parted for people coming through the doors and then we were back together again, having the kiss that we’d been building up to all night.
The doormen at the front laughed and yelled at us to get a room, but we kissed again in spite of them, before finally saying goodnight. I looked back through the closing doors to watch her go, watch her slip away gracefully through the lobby of the beautiful old New Orleans hotel.
I stepped out into the night air and walked down Bourbon Street. The things that I usually find so obnoxious couldn’t affect my mood. The raucous crowd, the music, the lights, the general rowdiness of the night couldn’t wipe the happiness off my face, couldn’t make me stop thinking of her lips, her eyes, her smile."
She came back to visit last week and we had a wonderful time together. She'll be back again two weeks from now and I'm looking forward to her return. In January she's moving here and I have to say that I'm quite thrilled about that. I don't know that I've so thoroughly enjoyed every moment that I've spent with someone like I have enjoyed my time with her...
"Robyn sat across from me, moving and speaking with such purpose, such exuberance. Her skin was fair, her eyes were dark, her lips painted red to match the red bow in her dark hair. She looked like a wicked snow white and I was taken with her beauty from the first moment that I saw her. I’m certain that she knew it, because it was hard for me to take my eyes off of her.
She’s a ballerina and she’s grown up a performer, so there’s a vibrance about her that I adore, an easiness with people which I appreciate. She described to me a photo shoot she’d done recently, just for the hell of it, and I knew that she was going to be hard to get out of my head even after she’d gone back to New York.
Evangeline (who’d introduced us) sat nearby, smiling knowingly as she watched us inch closer to one another. She gave us moments alone and played the perfect(ly devious) chaperone. It’d been her intention to bring this lovely creature to New Orleans to make her fall in love with the city. I was more than happy to help her in her cause.
When the night was over we stood in the front of their hotel. Evangeline left us alone when she went to get room keys. I hugged Robyn, thanked her for company while she thanked me for my hospitality. We parted for people coming through the doors and then we were back together again, having the kiss that we’d been building up to all night.
The doormen at the front laughed and yelled at us to get a room, but we kissed again in spite of them, before finally saying goodnight. I looked back through the closing doors to watch her go, watch her slip away gracefully through the lobby of the beautiful old New Orleans hotel.
I stepped out into the night air and walked down Bourbon Street. The things that I usually find so obnoxious couldn’t affect my mood. The raucous crowd, the music, the lights, the general rowdiness of the night couldn’t wipe the happiness off my face, couldn’t make me stop thinking of her lips, her eyes, her smile."
She came back to visit last week and we had a wonderful time together. She'll be back again two weeks from now and I'm looking forward to her return. In January she's moving here and I have to say that I'm quite thrilled about that. I don't know that I've so thoroughly enjoyed every moment that I've spent with someone like I have enjoyed my time with her...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I put my phone back into my pocket just as M. approached. She smiled and looked just a little puzzled as she studied my face.“Are you in love?!” she asked.“What makes you say that?” I responded, caught off guard.
”You look like you are. Whoever you were just talking to has you glowing! You look very happy right now and I think it’s awesome how obvious it is just by looking at you!”
I smiled and studied the red flocked wallpaper as I considered it.I wear my heart on my sleeve so I shouldn’t be surprised that she could see the happiness in my face, even if she overstated it by referring to it as love. I was surprised however that something was apparent to M. before I’d even realized it myself; that no matter how much I’ve tried to not have any hopes until R. actually moves here this winter, the fact that she’s coming to visit in a few days has it’s place in my smile and I’m very (obviously) happy that I’ll get to see her again soon.
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