Christmas Future

The ghost of Christmas Future is the most frightening in the Dickens tale and it's not hard to understand why. You can't change the past; you can regret it, learn from it, make changes because of it, but you can't change what's already happened. People don't fear the present, because it's easy to forgive yourself during the moment or feel that you have time to change. The future we fear is the one where we've failed to avoid repeating the past and correct the present and have at the end of our lives been made to suffer the consequences of our own actions.

I went out with friends last night and we talked about the future. I made mention of the move, of trying to split my time between here and there and these friends started suggesting ways to make it possible to stay. This is the way that the conversation has gone with most of the people that I've brought it up to. They told me that I belong here, that they want me here, but they are understanding of my situation, my circumstances and have told me that they want what's best for me.

We drank and laughed, we had fun at our own expense and each others in the way that only people that love each other can get away with. When everyone else left Molly's and headed toward the Marigny, I called it a night. I live in the opposite direction and decided it was best to head home. The last of my friends to say goodnight leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "I love you, you know", she said before heading off. I waved to the rest of them, said goodbye one more time and walked into the night, feeling very fortunate that I have the sort of friends that take the time to let you know. I love the people in my life fiercely.

This Christmas has been hard on me, just like the first of every occasion usually is for anyone after the end of a long relationship. More than once I've felt that I wanted to forget about it, but every time I start to feel that way I've had someone here say just the right thing to bring me out of my funk, make me love this place, my life, the people in it.

I am keenly aware of my Christmas past, I see clearly my Christmas present and I know that my Christmas future is up to me.