"Would you ever want it to work out? Would you give it another shot and try again if she ever wanted to?", she asked me. She was sitting on my left side, facing me and I was staring straight ahead. Her knees were just barely touching the side of my leg. I know that my moving west immediately made some people think it was to be closer to my ex wife, so her questions aren't unexpected, her concerns valid enough that they should be laid to rest gently.
"No", I said, after considering it for a moment.
"No? How can you be so sure? Maybe if you saw each other it would be different?".
"I know because she's happy with who she is now. I'm happy for her, that she's happy, but neither of us wants what the other wants. If I met her today, if I came across her at work or even just out someplace and got to know her, I don't think I'd fall in love with her now, with the person she's happy being now. It worked out the way that it was always going to work out. We met at probably the only moment in each others lives when we would have given each other a chance, but it didn't work out and this is where we are now. "
"Do you think she wants it to work out?", she asked me.
"No. I think she wants to know that I'd try, but I really don't think she wants it to actually work out, unless working it out means that I fold everything I want up, pack it away and go live her life with her, instead of mine. That's not ever going to happen though, because I don't want her life any more than she would want mine."
"Maybe later in life, things will be different.".
"My life is now. By the time I reach 'later', it'll either be alone or with someone that I've met along the way, not someone that went off and lived their life and then wants me back after they've had their adventure. The adventure is the good part; if I'm going to have anyone in my life I want it to be someone that wants to share that with me.".
The waitress brought the check and I paid. We changed the subject to lighter things, distracted ourselves with little pieces of portable technology and tried to let the heaviness of the moment go before we slipped outside into the clear, crisp afternoon.
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