I've had a bit of insomnia again lately. Lot's of endless nights and punctuated sleep, all caused by my ceaseless mind. I wake to the slightest sounds; my phone vibrating in the same room will wake me so I've taken to leaving it in the next. I'm tired and can see it in my face right now.
I try and nap here and there, but I'm terrible at it. The closest I come Is laying still when the afternoon rain comes. When I see the dark clouds start rolling in, I feel drawn to my bed the way a normal person would when the lights go out over the city at night.
This afternoon Elly moved her things into her new apartment and I went to help her put together her furniture so she could sleep there tonight. The afternoon rain hung over head as I walked back to my own apartment, which was empty and quiet and all mine once again. I climbed the stairs and opened the french doors in my bedroom as I pulled my damp shirt overhead and used it to mop my face.
I climbed into my bed, the sheets having been freshly washed earlier that morning (clean sheets are one of my favorite things) and laid across it diagonally. I closed my eyes until i heard the rain hitting the iron that laces all the buildings around me and then I opened them again. I didn't sleep, but I got as close as I might come, thanks to the rain.
Ah, I know the pain of broken sleep. I'm excellent at napping, though. This becomes a problem, because over-tiredness will make me lapse into coma at odd hours, too early, for too long, and then it feeds the cycle of sleeplessness at normal sleeping-times. Or of the inexplicable, and very consistent, wakefulness at 4:00am, keeping me up for an hour or two hours, leaving me enough time to go back to sleep but then oversleep, end up late to work, dragging. (Luckily, nobody really cares what time I get there, as long as my work gets done.) It's a deeper problem than sleeping pills can fix, I think, though, so I don't generally use them. Plus, they leave me feeling sick-hungover the next day, anyway.
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