Just go (stay)

I sat talking to my mom on the phone listening to her tell me about her woes, which are similar to my own and I felt the ebbing toward a choice in my life that I had been resisting. I held the phone to my ear and realized that the idea of a move back out west was no longer one that was met with my own outright refusal, but rather with the quiet acceptance that it might not just be a possibility, but was becoming probable. She told me what her situation was and there, on the phone, i realized that I was considering it and told her as much. She wasn't entirely happy with the idea, but she understands that sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done.

It complicates things for me here though. I've made friends, grown close to people that I want in my life. People that I know will be, no matter if I stay or if I go, but the part they'll play will be instantly different based on the decision that I make, the future I rule out or embrace.

I have a lot to consider, when I lay my head down at night. I have a week to come to a final decision, start putting one foot in front of the other to start the march forward. I think I already know where I'm going, what comes next and I've started spreading the word that it's what I'm considering, but of course; as soon as I make mention of it, the world gives me more incentive to stay, makes it more difficult for me to go.