keeping it in perspective

We sat next to one another, discussing the common behaviors of the person we'd each been with that had struggled with addiction. The self righteousness; the indignation at the fact that despite how many times they hadn't kept their word that they shouldn't be taken for it unquestioningly. The constant promises of a better tomorrow, today that were explained away after the fact by the fact that we hadn't believed in them enough for them to bother.

We listened to each other and were able to predict what the person that the story about was going to do next, because we'd both had similar experiences with people that suffer from compulsions that allow them to justify even the most selfish behavior.

When you are in the moment with someone, when you love them, it's easy to allow a lot of things that once you step back will make you feel foolish. Promises that were obviously never intended to be fulfilled, loyalties that ran shallow; these are things that you don't see until you step back far enough to take it all in, and then you feel embarrassed that you didn't see it sooner.

My ex sent me a message today asking for my time, which she would later answer back that was for the sake of answering a question about a task of her new job. She works now for my competition, taking with her the secrets and research that I accumulated over the last three years and making a career out of my hard work. I've offered to help her, so I'm as much to blame as she is for allowing it, but today, when stepping back, it became obvious and I had to rescind my offer. I don't want to hear about it any more, or know about it. I certainly don't want to help her accomplish something that ultimately hurts what I've done and affects my future. She will undoubtedly see this as unfair, but I can't be responsible for that either. It isn't my job any more to see to her future. I sent her a message saying I'm sorry, but I can't help her be a part of my undoing any more.

I know that what I'm refusing to do isn't unreasonable, but standing on top of the issue it's easy to lose focus of the big picture and feel like something that you know will be harmful to you should still be considered for the sake of the person you are with. We know better, this friend and I, and I'm hoping that in seeing each other go through similar circumstances will help both of us keep our perspective.