We worked together in adult entertainment for years and even though we've been divorced now for a few months, separated for longer, I still have unreleased material that I'm cycling out. Material that we shot together, are both in and is a reminder on a daily basis of the relationship.
I need to keep releasing this material, but that doesn't make it any easier. It also doesn't make it easy that she went to work for my largest competitor, taking the name and idea with her, reproducing it with their considerable resources and then plastering it in all the places I'm sure to see it.
Break ups are always hard, as is the idea of your ex sleeping with someone else. We all know that it happens, but can you imagine for a moment seeing some evidence of it every day as well as having to look at material of the two of you together? It makes getting past it awkward, difficult.
Today I had to tell her that I couldn't offer her help any more and that I didn't want to hear about her projects. I scrubbed away my list of places that I could do without, where I might come across her. I said out loud my frustrations to the empty room and let them go so that I could send her messages without being hurtful, but it wasn't easy.
I'm friends with everyone that I've ever dated, but this is proving to be a challenge for me. It's the circumstances and it's my own fault. I didn't consider when entering into these sordid endeavors that we'd split and I'd be left sifting through this box of photo's because that's how I make a living. I didn't consider that I'd have to try and cheer her on while she worked against me to capture the same audience and worked with other men. There were a lot of things that I should have considered, but I didn't.
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